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Sooo, what comes next?
Let me have a go at this: You're playing a game with the devil because at once there was Christianity in your life, probably not by your own choice but because of a certain woman in your life, and you've tried to live up to it's expectations. The devil had other plans and he's worn you out from that lifestyle. The innocent childhood interest that got you into art has been so utterly destroyed by pornography (maybe from drawing it) That was the past, and now you've found "freedom" in rebellion against morality and when you don't care, it makes you stronger because you are the center of your world.
I hope you find your maiden friend.
Let me have a go at this: You're playing a game with the devil because at once there was Christianity in your life, probably not by your own choice but because of a certain woman in your life, and you've tried to live up to it's expectations. The devil had other plans and he's worn you out from that lifestyle. The innocent childhood interest that got you into art has been so utterly destroyed by pornography (maybe from drawing it) That was the past, and now you've found "freedom" in rebellion against morality and when you don't care, it makes you stronger because you are the center of your world.
I hope you find your maiden friend.